5 Steps to Living Your Best Spiritually Successful Adult Life!
I work at a hospital and I know for a fact that babies and children don’t come with a written manual, an explanation for how to handle with care and ‘keep this end up’, as a delicate fragile package would indicate. Fed-Ex knows how to do this, but the hospital that swaddles you and sends your parents with a diaper care-package does not give out such instructions. Every child is dependent on their parent’s hands to change their diapers, dress them, feed them, and hold them. Growing up is a game that begins with dependency.
Over the course of growing up, I think all parents have been guilty of, at some point, telling their child to, “Suck it up, buttercup!” Or at the very least, they think it. “Life is hard, so get out there, suck it up, and move along”. Like a field of yellow buttercups, it may look bright and cheery in disposition, but sucking it up will otherwise cause gastric upset when ingested.
The very nature of being a dependent child is that you rely on other people, systems, or even cultures to raise you, love you, and give you what you need. Perhaps these people are dysfunctional or filled with shame. Their energy is not what you need to carry with you in your later years. As for me, I grew up in a family where it was all about how I could best serve others for what they needed and I negotiated my safety and security out of that. When taught how to serve other people, it becomes second nature to do for others before doing for ourselves.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
E. E. Cummings
* Jenn Journals -2010
In my meditation last night, I remembered what was true for me and the emotions of what it felt like. The sadness, the lost feelings, the fear. I had no one teaching me how to cope, no one to listen to me. I grew older as the years went by, but I wasn’t growing up. The patterns of looking outside of myself and over-giving to stay safe remained the same. I constantly shed my energy towards other people and gave and gave and gave. I did not know how to receive and I did not allow myself to be attracted to people that would have been able to give me love. I wouldn’t have understood that, it would have fried my system. As wiser people say, we get what we need, not necessarily what we want. I needed to learn how to respect myself. I needed to learn to give to me first. I needed to learn how to be a two way vessel of giving and receiving; being a total and complete person.
We can choose to grow in a field of buttercups and love ourselves enough to see our grace and beauty, or just suck it up for other people and be poisoned. Of course some choices in life will yield painful results, but those can also lead to the most beautiful heartfelt moments where the “aha” jewel in the rough is born. These “aha” moments are the cornerstone of Self-love, each one bringing you back to who you really are. Discovering how to love the Self is an essential component of life’s work and is often completely ignored in our early life education.
Whether we are the child or now the parent, it is important to separate ourselves as individuals on our own journey. The role we live in can be further developed by separating yourself as a person from the pattern you relate through. Are you a control freak or a worry wart? Are you doing the same patterns of behavior that your parents did to you? Do you want to grow out of those patterns and thoughts that were handed down to you through the generations that no longer serve you? It’s time to Grow Up, Buttercup.
From Generation to Jenn-eration… here are my top 5 self-love practices I used when growing myself up:
I personally find journaling an extremely powerful tool in re-wiring my brain from destructive thought patterns. Using the space on the paper to list my negative mental traps such as assumptions, beliefs, comparisons, and expectations about myself and others. Then re-writing a new story with positive affirmations and desires.
2. Hypnotherapy and meditation
Becoming self-aware is a skill in life, rather a gift that allows you to identify your self-destructive patterns of thought and behavior. Navigating to the heart of it through meditation or hypnotherapy will help you find more peace and balance in life. Although frustrating and seemingly meaningless at first, both are silently potent brain re-wiring practices with endless benefits. Hypnotherapy requires a wise and safe practitioner to help you, but meditation you may do on your own. For meditation, I suggest practicing on a comfortable pillow for 10-15 minutes each morning.
3. Identify all your sub-personalities
All of us have the subtle, sometimes mean and incessant voices that sabotage and paralyze us… well, at least I know I do. These are the voices of our younger behind the scenes, sub-personalities…stemming from our subconscious and ancient buried past. Are they your Victim or Perfectionist? You can get a 2 for 1 in this, by journaling about them and what role they have to play in your life. What do they have to tell you? What fears do they have? Self awareness is self empowerment.
4. Welcome Home, Solitude
Lay the mat out at your front door and step onto it with clean bare feet. Make the space to take off your shoes and relax awhile. Be alone in your own time and space to unwind, reflect, and learn about your own personal needs and insight. The perspective on being alone and being comfortable being alone, gives tremendous healing and harmony in your life. If you aren’t caring for anyone else, you can spend that time caring for yourself.
5. Identify the negative life suckers versus the positive people
Be in the field of yellow buttercups filled with joy, happiness, and healthy friendships. Weed out the poisonous, toxic people make you feel wretched and significantly lower the quality of your life. Toxic people are often judgmental, love to live in self made drama, are manipulative, clingy, needy, controlling, liars, and very self-destructive. Learning to cut away those who don’t support your self-growth is difficult, but an absolutely necessary step on your adult journey. On the other hand, supportive people encourage, uplift, and inspire. These people have already obtained a certain level of self-love, and because of such self-love, they are easily able to love and respect you.
Align with connections to yourself and with friendships to supportive people, as both can really help you out in the “suck it up, buttercup” periods of your journey. You are NOT alone. Send me an email and become apart of the Spiritually Successful tribe! I want you to succeed on your own path and discover the parts of you that want to grow into a new way to be!