How I Went From A Chaos Loving Codependent to a Spiritually Successful Single

As they say, the school of life gives us the lessons we need to learn and not necessarily the ones we want.  After years of self doubt and stomach twisting anxiety, all based in a longing for someone to love me, I always came up short.  I ran my external life and all of my relationships around being codependent with no idea about who I was or what I wanted.  I didn’t know any better, it just seemed to be a natural way of living with no conscious thought about why I was doing it. 

This unconscious codependent behavior led me to the marriage alter, taking vows before I really could answer them honestly for myself.  Once married, I practiced the behaviors engrained in me that I knew very well.  I was a shape-shifter, had no boundaries, and didn’t know where my emotions started and his began.  “What do you need?”, I would ask.  I had no opinion, well at least I did not voice my own opinions.  If he liked country music, but I hated it, it didn’t matter.  I would love country music.  If he wasn’t happy and wanted a new career, it didn’t matter if he didn’t work.  I would pay for him and take care of everything while he figured it out.  

I wanted to be married, but my internal energy, my soul wanted it different.  It asked me to dig a little deeper and stop to ask myself, “Do I want to live with stomach aches and anxiety as a default way to be in this world”?  My soul was pushing me to learn how to pick myself up by my own bootstraps and really stand on my own two feet, in self love with boundaries and an identity.  

I discovered that I needed to stop settling for less than I deserved by embracing my spiritual side and the energy that makes me, me.  Being spiritual is knowing your personal energy as a source of usable power, in that you can make choices for what you want and consciously shift your attitude to ones that inspire, uplift, and influence your human heart.  

When you allow your true self to shine through, there is no more pain, and there is healing on all levels.  This is what it means to achieve self-realization.

Today, I am divorced and currently single at 42, and I am proud of this.  Single is so much more than a relationship status.  It is about being an autonomous individual with an identity.  It is about owning your truth that you are a unique human being with gifts to offer the world.  It implies being a distinguished individual choosing to live your life in freedom in a state of uniqueness. Success is flourishing, being happy, and thriving in those choices.  Blend those two elements of self and make a conscious life of vital forces to animate your body and soul. 

HERE ARE THREE WAYS YOU CAN START TO SHIFT OUT OF CODEPENDENT TRAPS AND EMBRACE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF:

1. Drop The Outward, Codependent Focus and Turn Your Love and Attention Inward:

There is only one of you.  You are a single entity, sincere in heart and undivided in matter.  Whether you are in a relationship with another person or not, for better or for worse, you are ALWAYS in relationship with yourself.  After all, there is an “I” in happiness.  Love is possible at all times and it starts with you.  Being spiritually successfully single, simply means  being you!

2. Get REAL with Yourself and Be HONEST

If you are really honest with yourself ask yourself…right now, what areas of your life are you settling for?  If you want to stop settling for less than you deserve, move towards being spiritually successfully single and knowing more about yourself.  Know this:  The energy of where you are at each moment is creating your story.  Self-realization happens when the energy of all the unknown parts of you come together to form a whole.  It starts by consciously putting all of parts of yourself together, especially those you are ashamed of.

3. Get Out Of Your Head and Out of Your Way!

When you know how to be happy for you, it opens up doors to all kinds of possibilities.  You can be positively, fantastically, spiritually successfully single and be in a loving relationship.  You can be in a loving relationship with yourself, with a friend, a pet, a lover, or partner and still be spiritually successfully single because you are living life as the individual, the person you are meant to be.  

Give those things a shot. Really commit to them and do the work you need to do in order to make them become habits. You WILL see results. One way to really hold yourself accountable and ensure success at this is to practice Journaling. You can read my post about “Spiritually Successfully Journaling” for guidance.

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Jenn Maronek

Nurse | Blogger | Coach | Author

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