When Love Goes Wrong, and Everything Else Turns Out Right: My Journey of Riding Soul-O
When “love goes wrong” it teaches us so many things. If you’ve ever had a bad date or felt bad at love, just remember “bad dates happen to good people” and don’t confuse them with a personal failure. Every relationship in life… past, present, and future, is a gift from the universe.
For so many years, I plugged into the wrong people, all hoping that they would give me the security and comfort I was looking for, but thankfully when I looked into the heart of me and all of these bad dates, the perceived failures were actually spiritual successes.
Let me share with you the lessons I learned of “love gone wrong” and how I used them to learn more about the right message for me.
Here are the chronicles of my past love stories, a journey of ‘Riding Soul-O’.
2013. I’ll start with a man I’ll call Adam. I met Adam one January night at my favorite Italian restaurant downtown. While socializing and having happy hour with a girlfriend of mine, Adam walked in the front door. He was handsome. Dressed in jeans, a sports jacket, and white golfing shoes, Adam peaked my curiosity. He was alone, so I brazenly invited Adam over to sit with us. Turns out he was a Medic and he worked for the same district where I went to high school. Right off the bat it was looking optimistic! I was a nurse, he was a medic, and our ground was common. We both had a simpatico for alcohol and Italian food and that night we bonded over gnocchi and gin.
Adam became someone I could hang out and have social time with, but it turns out he wasn’t overly interested in me. He never wanted to come to my house or pick me up for dates and he waited more than the typical ‘dating rules’ time to text me back, all indicating the painful truth of “he’s just not that into me”. We managed to muster a few dates that summer, but unfortunately that was the summer my dad died. And then Adam left. I was alone, soul-o, going inward dealing with my healing and grieving process.
2014. It seemed as if the rest of the world was happily moving around me, but I couldn’t actually feel anything. After my back to back devastations from my dad leaving, followed by Adam, I was immersed in the pain of grief. I knew intuitively that I needed to heal and focus more on me, so through a fated course of events with a friend of mine, I began learning Tarot. Delving into this underworld of me and the patterns I had, I started feeling more of my internal comfort and joy.
That joy attracted Kyle to me, or rather as he said, it was my hair and my eyes. Kyle was forward, happy-go-lucky, and knew what he wanted….me. That allure was sexy and attractive. I had two dates with him until he became obnoxious and related my haircut to his manly sex organs, as in why would I cut my hair when that would be like him cutting an inch off his dick. Perhaps I was just in the wrong “headspace”, but either way, I wasn’t feeling it.
2015. The summer of this year I spent a week at a spiritual retreat feeling alive and free. I took one night off from the spiritual retreat and ended up going to a local pub to have a drink with a friend, sit, and have some laughs. It didn’t take long, until the man at the other end of the bar shyly approached us. His energy didn’t speak to me at all, except for his big hot muscles. We laughed, arm wrestled (seriously did that), and later that night he told me that he wanted to take me out and really get to know me as a person. I only had two dates with him because sometimes you just know what you know… there just wasn’t enough gravity.
2016. I turned 40 this year and I thought, new decade, new me. My previous soul-o years led me to more of myself and the woman I wanted to be, so I took a risk and got back out there in Tinder-land. I swiped right on “Rick” within a day. Rick and I had really weird synchronicity of knowing common people, he was romantic, thoughtful, and he definitely wined and dined me. He brought summer into the winter of my life, taking me to the beach, serving me delicious home-cooked meals, and quickly discussed having a kid and getting married.
Overall, we were both caught up in the fantasy and yet, I never felt completely comfortable with Rick. I felt nervous, like I had to prove myself, and conversations seemed forced with sometimes painful boredom and awkward moments of silence. The flow was ultimately not between us, it was dead energy. I felt torn because it looked so great on paper and thought there were “signs”, but the relationship was lifeless in reality. When I paid attention to the right “signs” that I wasn’t feeling it, Rick and I decided to part ways.
2017. I met Marty a few months after my 40th birthday and was hopeful for him to be something more than he was. Marty had the depth of soul I was looking for and he definitely matched my inner resonance. We had a way together, a way of being open about ideas, spiritual growth, and understanding more of the human to human connection. Marty became a friend and then a “friend with benefits”. Marty offered me a bit of the connection I was looking for, but he was also one foot out the door to Mexico, where he wanted to go and live with shamans for a year. Never mind my part-time lover status or his spiritual aspirations, I was tired of feeling so disappointed in love.
It begged the question, how was I in it with me? Was I being a good enough lover to myself? I made an intention to live soul-o through love for myself and my entire life shifted.
I stopped living and feeling alone and I adopted my beautiful cat, Simon. I joined new communities with likeminded people and created some awesome new friendships. I started volunteering. I began a new daily practice of connecting to myself through meditation and oracle cards. I joined ToastMasters and began giving speeches, competing in competitions, and received a leadership officer position. I chose to be more involved in my leadership role at my work, and in my personal life, I started seeing a life coach. I knew it was time to level up and stop putting my intentions and energies towards people who didn’t deserve it and to shed my negativity and limiting beliefs.
2018. I didn’t date anyone the entire year and instead saw the other perspectives of what I could do for me while being spiritually successfully single. I wrote and published my first article with HuffPost, I took third place in the Regional Level Table Topics competition at ToastMasters, and I became more focused on my life and my next potential as a writer. Working with my life coach, I grew a tremendous amount and realized that being soul-o, meant I am taking care of me, working, eating healthy, and maintaining the vitality I want to have in my life. I ended 2018 in a healthy soul-o way, letting go of whatever wasn’t meant for me with open arms to new possibilities.
2019. The year isn’t yet over, but my energy has shifted and I am focused on creating me the way I want to. While I don’t know what my future holds, I am continuing to live my best life as a spiritually successful woman, and that has made the most healthy loving impact.
If your dating life is leaving you wanting more, here is my soul-o message for you this year: Own Your Power.
The power to create your best and happiest life is within you, and how you choose to do this is up to you. Listen to the voice within, choose wisely, and Ride Soul-o. As long as you are following the voice of your soul longings, there is no failure, only success.
Take the time to document your years, the chronicles you spent in the “wrong” situation only to learn that they were the right situations to give you more of a sense into yourself. Trust me, it’ll be well worth the ride.