Moving Through Loss: Using The Scientific Principle of Metabolism to Help You Cope.
I remember an afternoon in my mid 30s when I was visiting with my mom in her home in the middle of the Arizona desert. On land that is naturally dry and arid, with an otherwise seeming lifeless landscape, I turned to her and spoke the wisdom of what I was feeling. Through tears and a heavy heart, I said, “While everyone in their 30s has been busy creating their lives with houses and families, I have been busy destroying mine. I lost my home, my marriage, my dad to cancer, and I lost the way of life I thought I was supposed to be living. I can’t seem to build anything. I am just as arid as this desert. Am I meant to be stuck here? Is this all that is meant for me? What is wrong with me?”
As it turned out, nothing was wrong with me. I was simply at the beginning of the flow between the duality of destruction and creation for the purpose of rebuilding something better and more constructive, and I didn’t quite know how to make full sense of it yet.
There is a special universal force that comes with the knowledge that a person must change, must identify the specific steps to take in order to rebuild themselves and it exists both in the body and spiritual form. It’s called catabolism and anabolism; more commonly known as Metabolism. It is the breakdown and release of energy AND the building up and creation of the something new.
Are you worried about being stuck in loss or in a state of sadness and feeling like you’re living on the periphery of your life, where nothing seems to be working out?
This period of loss and depletion is there for a reason. Your life determined your weak points, figured out how to fix them, and then took you through the pain of subsequently doing so. In simpler terms, it’s what we know of as life metabolism, the process of catabolism and anabolism to breakdown what isn’t needed anymore AND provide the energy in order to create a more complex, better version with access to way more SELF healing and vitality.
Just as your body uses metabolism every day of its life to maintain your energetic level, your soul does the same thing. Your soul knows on a divine level when it is time to rebuild and when it is time to ask yourself the question: “Who am I going to be next”?
When you are on the threshold of a whole new self, it is okay to lose and lose often, and to lose time and time again. It builds character and allows what needs to die to leave your life. Loss is what makes new growth possible. Loss is also there to teach you something, perhaps that you are always stronger than you ever thought possible.
When you are sad and in doubt about your life, apply this naturally occurring, well ordered, and necessary system of metabolism to your entire life.
Here are four ways to help you apply the ideas of catabolism and anabolism to your relationships, creative projects, personal growth, and more:
Let the energy release as it needs to.
Catabolism is an energy releasing experience. It can produce both the highs and the lows, from excitement of new potentials to sorrow of what was lost. When you are honest with yourself, you will see there is no way to control these naturally occurring cycles, only to use the energy each moment offers to help you. When you feel energized by a burst of energy, use it for the fun project you’ve been waiting to do or when you feel the low, rest and relax, knowing the energy is being served in building something new.
Use the time to relax and allow what needs to fade away to fade away.
This is all part of a larger cycle of life experiences. You might feel like everything is stuck in loss and a major time of letting go, but if you give it the space to be what it is meant to do for you, it will provide an amazing outlet for new self creative expression. Use the time to heal by relaxing and giving yourself time. Take a bath, go for a swim, sit on the beach, go camping. As with all things in the body, things are broken down in order to provide energy and transform it into a newer healthier version.
Forgive the days, months, or years that you spend here.
Forgive yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself. If I am really honest with myself, it took me a little over 7 years before I was finally moving out of my cycle of loss. I could ask myself “why” and try to figure out the reason why it had to be over 7 years. Some things we are never meant to know nor would it change things to know it. One way I can look at it is, I had a lot to learn and a lot of personal esteem to build during that phase and for that I am grateful. Life grows on its own schedule and not on yours. It grows until the next up-leveled version of self is ready.
Remember that every loss creates an even bigger payoff.
What we lose will be equivalent to what we gain, just be flexible in what it looks like. I lost my version of the model of a standard married life, but what I gained was emotional freedom, a deeper connection to myself, and healed codependency tendencies. I live without anxiety and have an internal bliss and happiness I never had before. Also remember that loss doesn’t have to affect every area of your life. Even though I was losing in my personal relationships for many years, it gave me the time to travel and to go back to school.
Life provides moments of catabolism and anabolism in its grand overhaul, the thorough examination of your life system, making repairs or changes when necessary. Right now, I encourage you to take a look and see what in your life needs to be improved upon and what is okay to leave as it is. When your outer world and inner world seem to slow down, with obstacles rising up and temporarily blocking your every move, do not meet it with more resistance. Instead, take advantage of the time to rest and rebuild your life, as you wait for something better to take its place.