Here’s Why Being Single is Better Than Being in a Bad Relationship.
Being Single : (is to) “It’s better than being in a bad relationship”
Living healthy alone : (is to) “It’s better than living with someone’s unhealthy habits”.
This life SAT, or in my case, Single Aptitude Test of basic analogies proves to me that being single is definitely better than being in an unhealthy, lame or dead beat relationship.
Happiness does not depend on him (or her) doing the “right” healthy things.
At 2PM, after an early morning start of day drinking and lively crowd cheering during the local college football game, a young man arrived to my ER passed out in the back of a bicycle rickshaw, wet and covered in a concoction of dirt and his own vomit. And it wasn’t just liquid vomit, it was chunky to the point where I and my fellow nurses were taking bets on what it was he actually ate.
We pulled him from the rickshaw and settled his haggard body onto the stretcher in the ER hallway. What followed was the sound of high heals clanking against the floor, from his girlfriend, an angry looking woman whose mascara smeared down her face, leaving an impression she was potentially trying for a role in a horror show on Halloween night. She was vomit free, but had an attitude that was equally putrid. Rolling her eyes, busy texting and snapping photos of his drunken state, mocking him on her social media. Her unhappiness and disinterest in helping him was evident.
I’ve heard other friends of mine say, “being single is really hard” and I have to ask myself, “Is it”? When you’re single, you normally complain about being single and get advice about learning to be yourself before being able to be with a partner. So, am I to conclude that I need to learn how to live drunk and with vomit down my shirt because clearly the man pulled from the back of the rickshaw had a girlfriend whereas I, am single.
As it turns out, my happiness does not depend on someone else’s mood or state of being, I continue to work on my own wholeness as a single entity. I’m a lot happier and more mentally stable, more so than I ever was, and definitely more so than the picture of this couple. And I certainly don’t think I’m any less dateable.
Create the Right Mental Attitude
When I think about my singleness more, I don’t think that people in relationships are really more mentally healthy than me, and I don’t think all of them are happier. In fact, a recent article by Psychology Today, Being Single Beats Bad Relationships, and Even Neutral Ones, states that “compared to singles, people in relationships did not feel any better emotionally and they did not experience their lives as more meaningful”.
While pop culture would have you believing that everyone who’s single is out there looking for a life partner, plenty of people like me, have other priorities, like self care. Living single with the idea that taking care of who you are in the moment and loving yourself from that space, is better than staying put in something that leaves you stagnant and feeling empty.
Self Care is Connection to the Self
Connection is a common and admittedly necessary theme to life. Giving and receiving love is as vital to the soul as oxygen and nourishment are the body. The grandeur of having a heart to have and to hold, and a feeling of belonging to the world. It begins in the beginning stages of life when we are connected to our mothers through an umbilical cord in her dark and safe womb. Connecting is constant and a daily process.
At 43 years old, I find plenty of connection in other ways, through my friends, my work, my family, my pets, my writing, and my psychic development. As I learn more about me, I relax into the genuine nature of my life and realize that my life is not about organizing my life around another person to make myself happy, it’s about my self care and prioritizing the beautiful relationship I have with myself.
Thank you to my patient. As it turns out, I love my freedom and enjoy wearing my own pants and vomit free shirt while I continue to become the person I want to be.